It doesn’t get better until you take your control back. I would never tell anyone what they “should do” but in this case, I’ve lived it and my healing didn’t begin until I left w/o a trace. I now control what information I share with the Nex and right now – NONE! I was an open book during our relationship; he kept secrets. It wasn’t easy to leave and stay no contact but it does get better! I truly understand your pain, confusion, chaos! Find a good therapist even if it takes more than one. Praying 🙏🏽🙏🏽 for comfort. You are not alone.